I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dick very happy bro
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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