no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
