it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
