just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
