OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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