I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
They took my balls.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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