Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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