I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
