if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
