So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
