i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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