Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
