bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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