you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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