hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
