i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
