All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
