someone threw a dead crab at me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
