I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
