Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
