fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
