Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
