i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
sarcasm needs its own font
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize