Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
