If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
