tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
