Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We need to get me chipped asap
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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