The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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