so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
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