I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
