so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
