dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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