I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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