Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
