Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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