and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
