he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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