i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
