The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
