is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
