Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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