the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
