The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
