the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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