just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
