dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my shit smells like andre
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
