Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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