i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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