I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
