My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
