I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
