I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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