I can tuck mytits in my pants
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I need to calm my uterus...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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