I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
