i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
