you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
