You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
