There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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