She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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