woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
