this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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