I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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