Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
