Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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