Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
