He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
