I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
