Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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